Wow

Sometimes I wonder "how the hell do i do it?" I mean I can turn all of the pretty, wonderful things in pure shit in a second.... I don't remember who said to me one day that they can't live without drama cuz it keeps them alive, every day a new adventure, that their life would be boring (I think it was one of the exes..) that thats why that person made so many conflicts... Now I wonder if that was contagious... Cuz i feel everything I touch becomes shit... I feel that chaos doesnt leave my side, even if its only a product of my imagination... I wonder if this is a main sign indicating that I'm officially losing it... Or that i totally lost it... Aka bat shit insane....? I hope not though... On the other side I feel that i have so much nice things and love to offer to everybody at the same time, but i cant seem to find a balance... I'm scare to lose people, so when I feel they are getting closer, I freak out, push them away and act like a bitch or crazy, sometimes even both (like a crazy bitch! lol =p)

Anyways, still hanging on in here... waiting to see the light and when everything will get better.... I still have hopes that things are going to change.... =)

I....

Love everybody!.....AAand I wish everything was easier... But is not... SO I have to suck it.... I mean accept it.... =)