Monday, December 12, 2011
Guys....
So guys try very hard all the time so nothing is serious and wish you treat them like a piece of meat so they dont have to deal with the sentiments and emotional baggage... So when you actually treat them like a piece of meat they get all sensitive and complain about it... Wtf?
Stressed!
I can't concentrate in studying! I hate studying! I'm running out of time.... Im very very stressed out, my career depends on this test and not even like that I can concentrate.... Valor!
Thursday, December 08, 2011
That awful moment when....
You drank too much the night before, and then when you wake up you see all the drunk messages you sent.... and then you realized you have to go to work and have no time left to apologize or anything lol.....
BUT, it was a good concert though! =D
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Prayer?
I want to be a better person every day!!! I really doooo! But there are some people that just interfere with that... Lord please help me be a better person and help learn from my mistakes, and help me accept the things I cannot change.... Forgive me for all the bad things I've done. Give me strength to continue with all my plans until the end and just bring the better people to my life that will make my days brighter. Amen. =)
Confessions....
So.... Nothing is going to be cooking anymore.... lol..... So I was talking for a few weeks with this Italian guy that I met downtown... Nothing happened at all but we just continued talking and constantly flirting almost every day... And he speaks spanish hahaha his accent is so cute, imagine an Italian guy with spanish accent from spain =P.... BUT I feel everything is wrong and is going to be wrong lol so I decided to suddenly stop talking to him (I guess that's what he is thinking...)..
Well the truth is besides all the other RED flags indicating that is a bad idea and I will regret everything later, last night he was telling me about his weekend and... I didn't like it at all, it actually grossed me out, I bet he was thinking that it was going to impress me or something of that sort, but no...
By personal experience, I think that now I'll be traumatized every time that a new guy is going to confess or tell me their deepest/darkest/ or "little secret." Last couple of times that that happened, first one I ran away lol... Second one, I decided to stay but I never knew how I really felt/ feel about it, and deep inside it kinda bothered me and it was a constant research actually... So I kinda don't want to deal with more "deep" confessions right now....
At the beginning Mr. Italy 2011 seemed like an awesome idea because he looks kinda hot, and I say "kinda" cuz must europeans have that "hotness" that sometimes is kinda gay, lol (they are all a little gay inside I think), and I also say "kinda" because he is short, taller than me though but too short for my taste and that looks funny... Anyways, the other BIG plus is that he likes a lot of my favorite bands, like Tool (yeah I know, he got me there) next day we talked about that he bought their CD with my favorite song <3! Some of the other good things is that he likes the same kind of bars/clubs as meee, he likes to dance, ITALIAN FOOD and he has an awesome career/job that is also part of the bad thing cuz he has to travel all around USA all the time... When I met him he was here for 5 days and then like 3 or 4 days later he was back in FL again! Another problem is he lives in New York, lol... You guys would laugh if you know his name, which I will reserve to myself =P (hint: starts with a D)....
And talking about confessions I have to make a confession myself... I know last thing that happened to me was Karma paying me back for sure, I'm really sure about that, Karma is no joke.... But I had to do it to make sure that what I was going to do is what I really wanted and it actually opened my eyes, cuz after that I realized that I really wanted the other thing more than anything. (yeah I know, Im doing it again, im talking in codes)... Later Karma said "I'm glad you realized thats what you want, but that was not the best way to find out, so no so fast now, you are going to suffer!!!" Indeed. Now stills bothers me... I have to confess now..... I will tell him after this post.... And he will probably think the worst things about me now, but I didnt do it with that intention, I need it to find out. I don't think nobody will ever understand....
Now I understand why a lot of people freak out when they hear the word "Confession" its cuz most of the times they are never good things...
Monday, December 05, 2011
Friday, December 02, 2011
What do I want?
What do I want or did want from M? It bothers me so much cuz I just wanted him to care about me and demonstrated it to me, but he never said or did anything to really show me, just like Americans that they think that you should assume everything.... And flying thousand miles don't mean anything when you are just a complete selfish asshole... He never understood that...
drunk post
DRUNK RANDOM THOUGHTS:
*Im really supposed to be doing my homework....
*I havent finish my homework, why do I always leave everything for last minute?
* Will I ever be fully happy again next to someone?
*Seriously God, why my last relationships in the past 5 years have been all if not kinda long distance, full long distance?
*Sometimes I really think is better to stay alone forever... I'm tired of all the bullshit...
*"Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?" thats the song right now...
* I had like 5 beers and 2 shots... this is very intense....
*im very proud of something that is happening right now...
*My rent went up
*I hate my telephone company and my phone with passion....
* I want to finish school and be an awesome artist.... I really do...
*I can't believe David has cancer...
*I met a new Italian guy, I havent told anyone with any details yet.... The truth is I think is not a good idea... He doesnt even live here in Orlando either, even though NY is closer than Italy! lol.... I don't know how i really feel about this thing, is not really defined yet.... I think I shouldnt be worrying about it even thought sometimes feels like something cool lol... Just all flirting? I feel too fat to date anyone....
*Will i ever finish school? Im sick of it... but right now this is the best part... I wish I didnt have to work so i could have time to explore my fucking creativity .....
** Ok, Im very upset with the assholes of my life.... I should go finish my homework and go to sleep... Another insomniac night....
*Im really supposed to be doing my homework....
*I havent finish my homework, why do I always leave everything for last minute?
* Will I ever be fully happy again next to someone?
*Seriously God, why my last relationships in the past 5 years have been all if not kinda long distance, full long distance?
*Sometimes I really think is better to stay alone forever... I'm tired of all the bullshit...
*"Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?" thats the song right now...
* I had like 5 beers and 2 shots... this is very intense....
*im very proud of something that is happening right now...
*My rent went up
*I hate my telephone company and my phone with passion....
* I want to finish school and be an awesome artist.... I really do...
*I can't believe David has cancer...
*I met a new Italian guy, I havent told anyone with any details yet.... The truth is I think is not a good idea... He doesnt even live here in Orlando either, even though NY is closer than Italy! lol.... I don't know how i really feel about this thing, is not really defined yet.... I think I shouldnt be worrying about it even thought sometimes feels like something cool lol... Just all flirting? I feel too fat to date anyone....
*Will i ever finish school? Im sick of it... but right now this is the best part... I wish I didnt have to work so i could have time to explore my fucking creativity .....
** Ok, Im very upset with the assholes of my life.... I should go finish my homework and go to sleep... Another insomniac night....
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
is it possible? Nostalgia...
"Bring back the Good Ol' days! Nothing feels right, nothing ever goes my way..."
Ahhhh I wish God would send me a sign that says "It is possible my dear, just be patient..."
I feel so nostalgic about last year sometimes, and I just want to live some of it again.... So pure...
uuhhh baby's got a secret...
Ok previous blog I said that I didnt want to say why I feel so happy inside, but the truth is... That is a combination of a few things... First David took me out of the hole... But then, the cherry on the top was... Chan chan chan!! And the Winner isssssssss: Yes! I don't want to say it! Hahaha cuz I feel shy! But yeah is someone from the past...(last year?)...
Ok so now is my turn to talk about this guy... First of all, this person is... the person that made me happy the most in my whole life.... I wonder If I ever will live that again? and his words still there in my mind every time I meet someone, he said "Now you know what is possible, so never settle for less, (you've set up a bench mark?) and I wont settle for less either..." and thats what i've been trying to do... but is hard... and I almost settled for less lol... I don't think is possible to meet and live something like that again. I was happy, satisfied and full inside in every sense of the word to the fullest/most or whatever, but the days and the thing were beautiful and awesome (most of them)....
Anyways... What I was going to say WAS, that this person is so fucking positive, omg every time i talk to him he makes my hyper and I want to do everything and all at the same time, I visualize the future instantly (my future) and everything looks perfect and successful. Dude I swear this is every time I talk to him, he is sooo contagious, I wonder if its just the image I have from him? Well, he also helped finish my depression fo sho and he gave me something that is making changes on meeee (for the best)... He makes me hunger for success and makes me see that it could be possible... I hope...
On the other side of the coin I just discovered that this other other person is like the other dude from the past, takes my energy away and soon stops making me shine... so I really feel the contrast and the weight... These makes me brighter and shine to the fullest, and these other ones bring me down, and I still try to fool myself... Ay ay ayyy Sarai, "When you gonna learn (chiquita)?" hahaha and those guys remind me of another song that says "Cuz I've got you to leeeeeet me dowwwn" (from the strokes)...
Today I reaffirmed that, he brings me down like the other one... I don't understand why I was trying to force it so much these past months with that other other person... Seriously... It was wrong in so many ways, and I'm pretty convinced that he didn't like me that much, and that he is and will be... Very selfish... Even though that "thing" was good sometimes... Maybe the only good thing about the mix but wrong at the same time... Now that I think about it... Everything started so weird... Everything was so weird... and still being weird... Why? Stills bothers a little bit though, I wont lie, something is left and I dont like the feeling...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
So this is my other new entry!
On the other sideeeee (lol, there's always a song with most of my frases! Why?? hahah some people hate that =P) apart from being and felling F.A.T... I feel like happy for no apparent reason... Well, I'm lying I know the exact reason I just don't want to confess to anyone bcuz I pretty much know what everyone is going to say....
the stars are a copy from each other, same size, but different artist of course... mine added "his touch" with the dots cuz he thought it was gonna look better... asshole...
So... A few weeks ago I was like really depressed, I didn't feel so depressed like that since 2006.... But I truly believe that God send the correct people in the right moments....
Long story short, I was feeling sad, fat and ugly... Unloved and disappointed but God sent me David again to open my eyes and pick me up cuz I was really down... And he did it in the sweetest way possible! and then I remembered why he is so important and significant to me...
He opened my eyes again...It is so horrible what it is happening to him now but he stills there fighting, and he said that he is not giving up... He stills the sweetest person (except one thing lol) stubborn and smart... Always giving me the smile... I know I told him several times that he is so special to me but i think he still doesn't know.... Both crying like babies we comforted each other remembering the past, what we felt and feel for each other and he also reminded me why I'm so special and beautiful to him, and how he even from the distance knows and notices every little detail, I havent seen anything like it yet... I'm very thankful for that... And I should be very grateful for my life and my health.... Me and him will always be connected, not only because we both have the same tattoo, but because I know we were really big and real for each other, more real than the real thing, lol...
If there's someone reading this is probably disgust by now, lol but this is my blog and I write what I want, suck it! =P we will love many other people in our life, but we will always be in each other's heart forever.... Even though we are not talking again (hahaha yes, I got upset) I know he knows what the deal is...
the sweetest thing!
For anyone that wants to see them here...
the stars are a copy from each other, same size, but different artist of course... mine added "his touch" with the dots cuz he thought it was gonna look better... asshole...
So this is my new entry
I think everybody knows.... But I feel so fat! lol and I just discovered that I gained more weight! (shame on me) But I have a new plan for that.... I don't know what was going on a month ago that I gained so much weight and I still have it even though I'm cooking more... I can't wear my favorite jeans and my dear shirt!.. And I just discovered that because i went to American Eagle the other day and the dress that I loved (and very expensive) was so fucking gorgeous, then I decided to try on and I was able to get in a size 6! can you believe it!!! SIZE 6!!!??? I was wooowwoww! Most of my dresses from there are 0 or XS, or maximum 2.... but 6!?? I refuse to wear a 6...
Monday, May 23, 2011
Everyday is a new day....
Everyday is a new day I always say (like the P.O.D song...) and I think they are totally right. Everyday is a new day like if it was another day of the week. Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Everyday (the new day)... Got it?
I usually never know what day it is except when I check my work schedule but after, i really forget. For me every day is Everyday (and talking about that I don't have any everyday shoes that I wear every day? Why would a person wear the same shoes every day? Unless Everyday existed and I'd wear the same shoes on Everyday, haha...)
The difference between my days is what I do, who I meet and what happens every day. I barely feel that some days are another day because for me every day is always the same but not.
Maybe if I worked from Monday through Friday I'd notice the difference more because then I'd wait for every Friday to have a real weekend.
Today was Sunday and I really didn't know it was until I talked to Amanda (at 2am) and she told me she was hanging out (Amanda doesn't work on Sundays) so I assumed it was Sunday. It didn't feel like a Sunday to me or like any other day (what does a Sunday feels like?)
If every day was really the same, does that mean that I could make the same mistakes on Wednesdays and maybe fix it next one? Like in the groundhog day movie? That would be awesome. I would love to make some mistakes all over again every day!
I wonder if I'm lost in space? I wish every day was special and that Everyday was a real day, maybe I'd had more time.....
I usually never know what day it is except when I check my work schedule but after, i really forget. For me every day is Everyday (and talking about that I don't have any everyday shoes that I wear every day? Why would a person wear the same shoes every day? Unless Everyday existed and I'd wear the same shoes on Everyday, haha...)
The difference between my days is what I do, who I meet and what happens every day. I barely feel that some days are another day because for me every day is always the same but not.
Maybe if I worked from Monday through Friday I'd notice the difference more because then I'd wait for every Friday to have a real weekend.
Today was Sunday and I really didn't know it was until I talked to Amanda (at 2am) and she told me she was hanging out (Amanda doesn't work on Sundays) so I assumed it was Sunday. It didn't feel like a Sunday to me or like any other day (what does a Sunday feels like?)
If every day was really the same, does that mean that I could make the same mistakes on Wednesdays and maybe fix it next one? Like in the groundhog day movie? That would be awesome. I would love to make some mistakes all over again every day!
I wonder if I'm lost in space? I wish every day was special and that Everyday was a real day, maybe I'd had more time.....
Friday, January 28, 2011
What to do, what to do....?
I see all the new blogs and they all look so cool and so bright lol, but I'm scared of starting to deal with that, hehehe I think I'll leave mine "vintage" and old school... Or is it too dark and too pink? Change template or not? That's the dilemma...
So, long story short...
I started writing my previous post "November craziness" it was so long cuz so many things happened that month that ay ay ay... So I never finished it or wrote the main idea... I started writing it because that month I "met" like 4 new people. In my mind that was the first time that I have seen them but all of them told me "Oh I see you almost everyday, and you always do this and blah blah blah" "I met you already in the first school meeting..." and I was sooo shock cuz I really didn't have them or their faces anywhere in my head, seriously for me it was the first time I've seen them in my life... And that has happened to me before that some people know a lot of stuff about me and I don't even know they exist, until one day they talk to me and tell me...
I know that I'm in the moon a lot, in my own little world, and I miss a lot of stuff going on around me, but I didn't mind cuz "eyes that don't see, heart that doesn't feel..." but this time I felt so bad because this people are awesome! In my mind I was "Wooooooow! This person is so cool, how could I've missed that?" I could have been sharing and having fun with this person a long time ago... I always hear "Oh I didn't talk to you before because you seem uptight... But obviously you are not" and I'm like "Duhhh" I still have to discover why I seem like and uptight person from the outside... Hello! I'm like the coolest thing in the world! ;-P
I know that I'm in the moon a lot, in my own little world, and I miss a lot of stuff going on around me, but I didn't mind cuz "eyes that don't see, heart that doesn't feel..." but this time I felt so bad because this people are awesome! In my mind I was "Wooooooow! This person is so cool, how could I've missed that?" I could have been sharing and having fun with this person a long time ago... I always hear "Oh I didn't talk to you before because you seem uptight... But obviously you are not" and I'm like "Duhhh" I still have to discover why I seem like and uptight person from the outside... Hello! I'm like the coolest thing in the world! ;-P
Monday, November 29, 2010
November Craziness!
Oh my old blog! It's been a loooong time since my last post!
Well, my life has changed a little bit and now I live in another country so I'll try to write in English! Lol, let's see how's that going to work... So excuse my grammar!
I have so much stuff and nothing going on at the same time, lol but my main reason of having a blog was because my psychologist recommended that I should write to get stuff out so I don't explode and kill everybody (that was in 2005)... Right now I feel I want to explode but amazingly enough I don't want to kill anybody (maybe make some suffer, but that's it) =P
I really don't care if anybody read this or not because this is my life, my world... But I know I have some curious friends, lol... So everybody feel free to leave a comment, you know how it is...
Ufff! I don't even know where to start! A lot lot lot weird, strange things happen to me all the time, but not so often one another... This month has been so long and cruuuuazy!
When you are not looking to be with someone they all rain at the same time, I don't know why... Hahaha I can sing "It's raining men, hallelujah, It's raining men! Amen!" NOT, lol, gayest song EVER! When you don't want anybody they all want to be with you at the same time, I wonder if the reason for that has to do with attitude or aura or something like that? Cuz I really don't understand... Ahh one more enigma of life...
One day I went to Pacsun (like I always do once a week) to see if I could see my friend that works there so he can tell me the deals, but he was working at AE that day... Well, I bought a pair of shoes and the girl that was ringing me was the girlfriend of my "friend" but I just had seen her on his facebook pics... Lol, I couldn't resist and I told her "You look like my friend's girlfriend!" "Do you know ...?" and she said "Yeah..." AWKWARD transaction! lol....
Anyyyywaaaaaaaays....... So I went with Johnny and Becky to this bar that we go really often (they more than I do..) (like those bar from Santiago that you always go and 80% of the time is the same people every Monday...)... I was super cute cuz Johnny did my hair! So I was dancing with this gay guy all night and then when I was going to the bathroom I saw this guy from Canada that I met online but not in person but I recognized him and it was super mega weird cuz I had never met him in person and we were both "Omg, wtf!!!??".. I totally forgot about the gay guy, cuz I was drunk and shocked, so I guess he found another dancing partner, lol then I was dancing with Canada guy for the rest of the night, he was so funny, like from a movie lol, I was having tons of fun until he grabbed my hand and took me to the photo booth and I was like "ohh but I don't have cash for pics!" but actually he tried to kiss me! When I saw his face getting closer to mine, I was so disgusted that I had to cover my mouth with my hands to stop the vomit from coming out then I ran to the bathroom to continue with the process, lol then I was hiding in there for like ten minutes until I thought he disappeared... I was so freaked out... Wow that night was very bizarre... Then the cherry on the top was that I didn't know where Becky was and Johnny had no cellphone and my cellphone was dead... So imagine that mess... Ughh Delete this Monday night please.... That's why I prefer to dance with the gay guys cuz there is no 2nd intentions...
Seriously, I don't understand guys in this country, If you are nice and cool 98% of the time they think you want something with them... Hell no... What about friendship? Lol...
Thursday I decided to talk to David again cuz I think he is an idiot and I had to tell him...
Then Friday (hahaha I'm not sure If I should tell this story...) I was on facebook (as usual..) and I was talking to ... (Pacsun's girl boyfriend) and he said "Oh we should hang out..." and I said "Oh ok sure, when?" and he said "mmm... now?" (it was like 11:30pm) I was like "...hmmm....well, ok..... I guess..." "Where are we going..??" and he said "I not sure where can we go at this time..." and he is a minor... I suggested the beach but of course! I would make any excuse to go to the beach at night cuz I just love it! That's the only place that the devil or the most disgusting person could be next to me and it wouldn't make a difference cuz I feel so peaceful and nice and connected to infinity, sky, moon, stars and the earth at the same time that I really have no words to explain how calm I feel and how much I enjoy it... Alone or with company I always take my cosmic energy from the beach at night, even the drive to it I love it... Don't know why...
Lol, anyways... Where was I? Ahh yeah, so when he got home it was almost like 1:00am and he said that he was too tired to drive to the beach (Bummer!) so we were driving around talking shit and making the most ridonculous lame jokes and some cool stories... Well, then we decided to take a walk (like at 3am!!!) and we were walking and talking, he was telling me he broke up with the Pacsun girl, and I was telling him about all my frustrated relationships when suddenly a huge dog starts barking, I almost had a heart attack... Lol... Obviously, we walked back to the car... The air was getting kinda weird and then he said that he liked me since the first time he saw me in the meetings (which I don't remember seen him before except that last meeting that I added him on facebook to post him some info...) and blah blah blah... I felt so bad cuz I don't notice people all the time and then one day they talk to me and I find them so cool and interesting and I feel I was wasting time and that I could have been enjoying conversations and exchanging ideas since a long time ago (I'm speaking in general...)... Anyways, it got really late so we went back to our houses. I was supposed to get up early to go to the wine and food festival early with the people from CS and then go to work...
The week is not over yet, MORE CRAZINESS to come... I think the real jokes of life started this day next...
It was Saturday and obviously when I got up it was almost time to go to work so it was too late to go to the Food and wine fest... While I was getting ready to go to work I received an email from an old perv from cs that was visiting here from England, lol (that's what I thought with that pic he has...) Inviting me to the concert that was after the fest... The bands that were going to play are horrible for me but I said to myself "why not? I'm bored so I'll get out of my cave do something different and go socialize with different people..." But then I was ugghh right, I dont have a car anymore... But he offered to pick me up....
I invited my other young friend to the concert so we could continue talking but he told me he couldnt even go to work cuz he was sick, so was not going... (I think that was the best thing that could had happend...)
Anyways, they went pick me up at work but the new manager took so long to finish closing the store that I got out super late... All that time we were communicating by texts so I never heard his voice until I saw him... Oh my gee, when I saw Damien, I was so Impressed because he looked reaaaaaaaally different from the pictures of his cs profile, and he was tall (he looks short on the pics and everybody knows how I feel about short guys..). They were so dressed up and I looked like a crazy person cuz I slept like 4 hours, was working all day, and I was going to a concert!!! hahaha
Even though I was understanding 35% of what he was saying I thought his accent was cute and funny (I forgot people from England had an accent)... Lol, I felt really bad cuz he had to repeat everything like 7 times and sometimes even his host had to translate cuz I was not getting it, so frustrating and funny, lol... hehehe we got to downtown and the concert was over!!!! Lol, we met other cs girl and we decided to go to Ibar... While walking to the bar the age conversation came up, hahaha I really thought he was like 30 something and I was actually older than him! I didn't believe him anyways so I told him to show me his ID, and he said he forgot it, obviously I thought he was joking... Anyways we finally got to the bar, we made the line, everybody was in except Damien cuz he really forgot his ID! Geez! Really?
We went to get his ID to UCF area, that is in the other part of town... I met his brother (minor, that also looks better in person, lol...). We decided to go to a bar close to UCF.. Wow that place was huge and crazy...
Ok ok okok to make the story shorter... We didn't stop talking and dancing all night long... We felt so connected like if we met each other at least months ago, we were so impressed with each other and it was so amazingly weird, like I've never met anyone in my life before... To make the story even shorter (cuz even me, I'm getting bored of writing) I thought it was love at first sight, but everything was an illusion, we went crazy for 4 days, we got crazy for each other, like never happened to me before, we made stupid ideas/plans for like 2 weeks, now he went back home, back to reality... and all the illusions/dreams/feelings are gone too... But it was amazing while it last...
I was so destroyed with David and Kenny that I forgot I could feel nice stuff again for another guy... Pero lo que rapido llega rapido se va... And it was just like that, amazingly intense (like me =p) beautiful and fleeting... BUT like the say, nothing is forever, I guess...
I believe that some people come to our lives at a certain time for some reason, even if they stay or go, they had a mission in your life at that moment... Maybe I'm not correct but I think I already know what Damien's purpose on my life was... And I think I should be thankful to God and the universe cuz at the beginning I was in denial and complaining that life is crazy and unfair and how sad I was and blah blah blah BUT now that I thought about it I have a different view and I learned... So life goes on, I'm not sad (unless i'm bullshitting myself..) and I don't even feel the pain of the others two... It's like if I have new eyes.....
Ok that's enough for tonight, and I still even haven't mention the reason for which I started to write on my blog again, lol... Maybe later....
Well, my life has changed a little bit and now I live in another country so I'll try to write in English! Lol, let's see how's that going to work... So excuse my grammar!
I have so much stuff and nothing going on at the same time, lol but my main reason of having a blog was because my psychologist recommended that I should write to get stuff out so I don't explode and kill everybody (that was in 2005)... Right now I feel I want to explode but amazingly enough I don't want to kill anybody (maybe make some suffer, but that's it) =P
I really don't care if anybody read this or not because this is my life, my world... But I know I have some curious friends, lol... So everybody feel free to leave a comment, you know how it is...
Ufff! I don't even know where to start! A lot lot lot weird, strange things happen to me all the time, but not so often one another... This month has been so long and cruuuuazy!
"I said ooh girlOk, I guess from day 1, right? So November 1st my dear old friend called and gave me the spark I was looking for to start thinking about moving from Orlando cuz I can't stand it anymore... Seriously, I really need a change, cuz this monotony is driving crazy... So I can't stop daydreaming about moving since then!
Shock me like an electric eel
Baby girl
Turn me on with your electric feel"
When you are not looking to be with someone they all rain at the same time, I don't know why... Hahaha I can sing "It's raining men, hallelujah, It's raining men! Amen!" NOT, lol, gayest song EVER! When you don't want anybody they all want to be with you at the same time, I wonder if the reason for that has to do with attitude or aura or something like that? Cuz I really don't understand... Ahh one more enigma of life...
One day I went to Pacsun (like I always do once a week) to see if I could see my friend that works there so he can tell me the deals, but he was working at AE that day... Well, I bought a pair of shoes and the girl that was ringing me was the girlfriend of my "friend" but I just had seen her on his facebook pics... Lol, I couldn't resist and I told her "You look like my friend's girlfriend!" "Do you know ...?" and she said "Yeah..." AWKWARD transaction! lol....
Anyyyywaaaaaaaays....... So I went with Johnny and Becky to this bar that we go really often (they more than I do..) (like those bar from Santiago that you always go and 80% of the time is the same people every Monday...)... I was super cute cuz Johnny did my hair! So I was dancing with this gay guy all night and then when I was going to the bathroom I saw this guy from Canada that I met online but not in person but I recognized him and it was super mega weird cuz I had never met him in person and we were both "Omg, wtf!!!??".. I totally forgot about the gay guy, cuz I was drunk and shocked, so I guess he found another dancing partner, lol then I was dancing with Canada guy for the rest of the night, he was so funny, like from a movie lol, I was having tons of fun until he grabbed my hand and took me to the photo booth and I was like "ohh but I don't have cash for pics!" but actually he tried to kiss me! When I saw his face getting closer to mine, I was so disgusted that I had to cover my mouth with my hands to stop the vomit from coming out then I ran to the bathroom to continue with the process, lol then I was hiding in there for like ten minutes until I thought he disappeared... I was so freaked out... Wow that night was very bizarre... Then the cherry on the top was that I didn't know where Becky was and Johnny had no cellphone and my cellphone was dead... So imagine that mess... Ughh Delete this Monday night please.... That's why I prefer to dance with the gay guys cuz there is no 2nd intentions...
Seriously, I don't understand guys in this country, If you are nice and cool 98% of the time they think you want something with them... Hell no... What about friendship? Lol...
Thursday I decided to talk to David again cuz I think he is an idiot and I had to tell him...
Then Friday (hahaha I'm not sure If I should tell this story...) I was on facebook (as usual..) and I was talking to ... (Pacsun's girl boyfriend) and he said "Oh we should hang out..." and I said "Oh ok sure, when?" and he said "mmm... now?" (it was like 11:30pm) I was like "...hmmm....well, ok..... I guess..." "Where are we going..??" and he said "I not sure where can we go at this time..." and he is a minor... I suggested the beach but of course! I would make any excuse to go to the beach at night cuz I just love it! That's the only place that the devil or the most disgusting person could be next to me and it wouldn't make a difference cuz I feel so peaceful and nice and connected to infinity, sky, moon, stars and the earth at the same time that I really have no words to explain how calm I feel and how much I enjoy it... Alone or with company I always take my cosmic energy from the beach at night, even the drive to it I love it... Don't know why...
Lol, anyways... Where was I? Ahh yeah, so when he got home it was almost like 1:00am and he said that he was too tired to drive to the beach (Bummer!) so we were driving around talking shit and making the most ridonculous lame jokes and some cool stories... Well, then we decided to take a walk (like at 3am!!!) and we were walking and talking, he was telling me he broke up with the Pacsun girl, and I was telling him about all my frustrated relationships when suddenly a huge dog starts barking, I almost had a heart attack... Lol... Obviously, we walked back to the car... The air was getting kinda weird and then he said that he liked me since the first time he saw me in the meetings (which I don't remember seen him before except that last meeting that I added him on facebook to post him some info...) and blah blah blah... I felt so bad cuz I don't notice people all the time and then one day they talk to me and I find them so cool and interesting and I feel I was wasting time and that I could have been enjoying conversations and exchanging ideas since a long time ago (I'm speaking in general...)... Anyways, it got really late so we went back to our houses. I was supposed to get up early to go to the wine and food festival early with the people from CS and then go to work...
The week is not over yet, MORE CRAZINESS to come... I think the real jokes of life started this day next...
It was Saturday and obviously when I got up it was almost time to go to work so it was too late to go to the Food and wine fest... While I was getting ready to go to work I received an email from an old perv from cs that was visiting here from England, lol (that's what I thought with that pic he has...) Inviting me to the concert that was after the fest... The bands that were going to play are horrible for me but I said to myself "why not? I'm bored so I'll get out of my cave do something different and go socialize with different people..." But then I was ugghh right, I dont have a car anymore... But he offered to pick me up....
I invited my other young friend to the concert so we could continue talking but he told me he couldnt even go to work cuz he was sick, so was not going... (I think that was the best thing that could had happend...)
Anyways, they went pick me up at work but the new manager took so long to finish closing the store that I got out super late... All that time we were communicating by texts so I never heard his voice until I saw him... Oh my gee, when I saw Damien, I was so Impressed because he looked reaaaaaaaally different from the pictures of his cs profile, and he was tall (he looks short on the pics and everybody knows how I feel about short guys..). They were so dressed up and I looked like a crazy person cuz I slept like 4 hours, was working all day, and I was going to a concert!!! hahaha
Even though I was understanding 35% of what he was saying I thought his accent was cute and funny (I forgot people from England had an accent)... Lol, I felt really bad cuz he had to repeat everything like 7 times and sometimes even his host had to translate cuz I was not getting it, so frustrating and funny, lol... hehehe we got to downtown and the concert was over!!!! Lol, we met other cs girl and we decided to go to Ibar... While walking to the bar the age conversation came up, hahaha I really thought he was like 30 something and I was actually older than him! I didn't believe him anyways so I told him to show me his ID, and he said he forgot it, obviously I thought he was joking... Anyways we finally got to the bar, we made the line, everybody was in except Damien cuz he really forgot his ID! Geez! Really?
We went to get his ID to UCF area, that is in the other part of town... I met his brother (minor, that also looks better in person, lol...). We decided to go to a bar close to UCF.. Wow that place was huge and crazy...
Ok ok okok to make the story shorter... We didn't stop talking and dancing all night long... We felt so connected like if we met each other at least months ago, we were so impressed with each other and it was so amazingly weird, like I've never met anyone in my life before... To make the story even shorter (cuz even me, I'm getting bored of writing) I thought it was love at first sight, but everything was an illusion, we went crazy for 4 days, we got crazy for each other, like never happened to me before, we made stupid ideas/plans for like 2 weeks, now he went back home, back to reality... and all the illusions/dreams/feelings are gone too... But it was amazing while it last...
I was so destroyed with David and Kenny that I forgot I could feel nice stuff again for another guy... Pero lo que rapido llega rapido se va... And it was just like that, amazingly intense (like me =p) beautiful and fleeting... BUT like the say, nothing is forever, I guess...
I believe that some people come to our lives at a certain time for some reason, even if they stay or go, they had a mission in your life at that moment... Maybe I'm not correct but I think I already know what Damien's purpose on my life was... And I think I should be thankful to God and the universe cuz at the beginning I was in denial and complaining that life is crazy and unfair and how sad I was and blah blah blah BUT now that I thought about it I have a different view and I learned... So life goes on, I'm not sad (unless i'm bullshitting myself..) and I don't even feel the pain of the others two... It's like if I have new eyes.....
Ok that's enough for tonight, and I still even haven't mention the reason for which I started to write on my blog again, lol... Maybe later....
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Cuando será...?
Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 4:13am
...que me voy a librar de ti?
Espero con ansias el día que ya no te deba nada y no tengas que seguir siendo parte de mi vida... Creeme que ese será uno de los días más felices...
Que rabia me da conmigo misma por no haberte escuchado al principio... Y 5 años mas tarde, ahora es que me doy cuenta que tenías razón en lo que decías... Ahora es que vengo a entender que nadie cambia realmente, se modifican, pero la escencia es la misma... 5 años más tarde es que sé que desperdicié de los mejores 4 de mi vida y que no valió la pena ni un solo día... Yo misma no puedo creer cómo acepté todas las condiciones y aguanté todas las situaciones...Eso tampoco me lo voy a perdonar, y a ti menos...
Espero que llegues muy lejos como sueñas con tu arrogancia estúpida... También espero que nunca tenga que volver a ver tu cara, ni escuchar tu nombre... No te odio, por que ni eso esperes de mí, me das lástima, por que eres una persona tan brillante y podrida a la vez, y lo peor es que tú lo sabes y te gusta ser así y cada día te la pasas tratando de ser peor (mejor, según tú) por un odio y una rabia absurda, que el resto del mundo no tiene idea y mucho menos la culpa, pero "todos pagarán"... Vete mucho a la mierda, imbécil...
Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 4:13am
...que me voy a librar de ti?
Espero con ansias el día que ya no te deba nada y no tengas que seguir siendo parte de mi vida... Creeme que ese será uno de los días más felices...
Que rabia me da conmigo misma por no haberte escuchado al principio... Y 5 años mas tarde, ahora es que me doy cuenta que tenías razón en lo que decías... Ahora es que vengo a entender que nadie cambia realmente, se modifican, pero la escencia es la misma... 5 años más tarde es que sé que desperdicié de los mejores 4 de mi vida y que no valió la pena ni un solo día... Yo misma no puedo creer cómo acepté todas las condiciones y aguanté todas las situaciones...Eso tampoco me lo voy a perdonar, y a ti menos...
Espero que llegues muy lejos como sueñas con tu arrogancia estúpida... También espero que nunca tenga que volver a ver tu cara, ni escuchar tu nombre... No te odio, por que ni eso esperes de mí, me das lástima, por que eres una persona tan brillante y podrida a la vez, y lo peor es que tú lo sabes y te gusta ser así y cada día te la pasas tratando de ser peor (mejor, según tú) por un odio y una rabia absurda, que el resto del mundo no tiene idea y mucho menos la culpa, pero "todos pagarán"... Vete mucho a la mierda, imbécil...
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
If some people could just know what their words can mean or do to another person…
If they could just know that their words can change a person’s world, a person’s point of view…
Words, good or bad, can make a big difference in a life…
words can hurt… words can make a person happy…. or sad… very sad…. Words can make you life bitter…
Words can make big scars… and words can also heal them…
It doesn’t matter if you hear them or if you see them written….
Words, words, words…
Words can just mean nothing sometimes…….
Sometimes it doesn’t matter if the words are from a person you know or you don’t know, sometimes words can change your whole life…
Words, you can take them… or you can just forget them…
blah blah blah….
If you could just know how your words inspire me and make me keep the faith…
If you could just know that sometimes when you give me your words you make me feel alive… Yes, just with your words… For now…
Also if you could know that sometimes, with your words, you make me feel scared of you…
with your words you make feel that I’m just a dreamer… that everything it’s just a dream…
If you could just know all the times that you made me feel happy, loved, desired, special, beautiful, a princess, strong, hopeful, full…
But, do you remember the time that with your words you made me feel miserable, insignificant, insane, sad, angry, stupid, worthless, evil, just horrible?…
In that time I didn’t know what was best, if your silence or your words….
Different people, different words…
Different meanings…
Different impacts…
Different lifes...
Different hopes…
Different changes….
What does my word mean to others?
If they could just know that their words can change a person’s world, a person’s point of view…
Words, good or bad, can make a big difference in a life…
words can hurt… words can make a person happy…. or sad… very sad…. Words can make you life bitter…
Words can make big scars… and words can also heal them…
It doesn’t matter if you hear them or if you see them written….
Words, words, words…
Words can just mean nothing sometimes…….
Sometimes it doesn’t matter if the words are from a person you know or you don’t know, sometimes words can change your whole life…
Words, you can take them… or you can just forget them…
blah blah blah….
If you could just know how your words inspire me and make me keep the faith…
If you could just know that sometimes when you give me your words you make me feel alive… Yes, just with your words… For now…
Also if you could know that sometimes, with your words, you make me feel scared of you…
with your words you make feel that I’m just a dreamer… that everything it’s just a dream…
If you could just know all the times that you made me feel happy, loved, desired, special, beautiful, a princess, strong, hopeful, full…
But, do you remember the time that with your words you made me feel miserable, insignificant, insane, sad, angry, stupid, worthless, evil, just horrible?…
In that time I didn’t know what was best, if your silence or your words….
Different people, different words…
Different meanings…
Different impacts…
Different lifes...
Different hopes…
Different changes….
What does my word mean to others?
Monday, April 28, 2008
Cuantas posibilidades hay?
+Text message from Unknown number:
-Sarai?
+Text message from Unknown number:
-U working?
+My Reply:
-Who is this? I dont Work...
*Called the number, nobody picked up...*
+Sent a Text msg to unknown number again:
-Who are you!??? You dont have your name in your voicemail...
+Text message from Unknown number:
-Sorry about that, its me Emo. Just wanted to say that i have a show at Laundry Bar today. See you there.
+My Reply:
-Haha! Emo!? Daniel Emo? Im lost here, i dont know who you are....
+Text message from Unknown number:
-Emerson nerd. I saw you guys eating at flanigan's the other day and i forgot to tell you guys about my show tonight
+My Reply:
-What!?? I dont know what you are talking about... :-(
I gave you my number?
*waiting....waiting...waiting.... nothing happens...*
+Sent a Text msg to unknown number again:
- Can you call me and explain me please, im very curious and i need to know, sorry to bother...
*10 minutes later*
*ring....ring.... ring...*
- Hello?
- Yes, its me Emerson!
- I dont know you...
- Sorry, i think i got the wrong number...
- But you said my name!!
- Dont you work at flanigans?
- I used to work there, but that was 2 years ago... Who gave you this number?
- Martin..
- whoo!?? hahaha i dont know anybody with that name, and yours...
- Oh! Sorry, i think i got the wrong number!
- Ok, no problem...
******** O sea!**********
Cuantas posibilidades y probabilidades hay de que una gente llame a un numero equivocado, y ke este llamando a una persona con el mismo nombre y que trabajaba en el mismo sitio pero en anios diferentes!!!!!!??????
O sea:
1. Mi numero de celular es nuevo...
2. Nadie de flanigan's lo tiene...
3. No hay muchas "Sarais" en este pais (ke tu me digas ke me llamo juana o maria..)
4. Yo no conozco ningun Martin y mucho menos a un Emerson!
5. Yo tengo 2 anios ke no voy a ese lugar...
6. Flanigan's es una cadena de bares en la florida entera! Sabra Dios de cual el estaba hablando!
Mi pregunta es: Como konsiguio Martin mi numero!??? Y si se lo dio ekivokado! Ke maldita Coincidencia que precisamente era de una Sarai!
hehehe A que show era que me estaba invitando?
-Sarai?
+Text message from Unknown number:
-U working?
+My Reply:
-Who is this? I dont Work...
*Called the number, nobody picked up...*
+Sent a Text msg to unknown number again:
-Who are you!??? You dont have your name in your voicemail...
+Text message from Unknown number:
-Sorry about that, its me Emo. Just wanted to say that i have a show at Laundry Bar today. See you there.
+My Reply:
-Haha! Emo!? Daniel Emo? Im lost here, i dont know who you are....
+Text message from Unknown number:
-Emerson nerd. I saw you guys eating at flanigan's the other day and i forgot to tell you guys about my show tonight
+My Reply:
-What!?? I dont know what you are talking about... :-(
I gave you my number?
*waiting....waiting...waiting.... nothing happens...*
+Sent a Text msg to unknown number again:
- Can you call me and explain me please, im very curious and i need to know, sorry to bother...
*10 minutes later*
*ring....ring.... ring...*
- Hello?
- Yes, its me Emerson!
- I dont know you...
- Sorry, i think i got the wrong number...
- But you said my name!!
- Dont you work at flanigans?
- I used to work there, but that was 2 years ago... Who gave you this number?
- Martin..
- whoo!?? hahaha i dont know anybody with that name, and yours...
- Oh! Sorry, i think i got the wrong number!
- Ok, no problem...
******** O sea!**********
Cuantas posibilidades y probabilidades hay de que una gente llame a un numero equivocado, y ke este llamando a una persona con el mismo nombre y que trabajaba en el mismo sitio pero en anios diferentes!!!!!!??????
O sea:
1. Mi numero de celular es nuevo...
2. Nadie de flanigan's lo tiene...
3. No hay muchas "Sarais" en este pais (ke tu me digas ke me llamo juana o maria..)
4. Yo no conozco ningun Martin y mucho menos a un Emerson!
5. Yo tengo 2 anios ke no voy a ese lugar...
6. Flanigan's es una cadena de bares en la florida entera! Sabra Dios de cual el estaba hablando!
Mi pregunta es: Como konsiguio Martin mi numero!??? Y si se lo dio ekivokado! Ke maldita Coincidencia que precisamente era de una Sarai!
hehehe A que show era que me estaba invitando?
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